Watch out world, Oprah Winfrey is on a diet again and things are getting crazy.
When most people go on a diet they just go out and buy a bunch of diet books and laxatives then sign up at gym where they can get healthy snacks like strawberry smoothies and maybe exercise a little bit. But when Oprah goes on a diet it's a much bigger deal because, of course, she is like The Delphic Oracle of millions of people who need her to tell them how to live .
Now I never knew the real Oracle of Delphi so I cannot say with any degree of certainty if she was any wiser than the current Miss Pythia of Media. But I wonder if Apollo would approve of Oprah's oracular performance when last week, in response to some inscrutable mutterings by their oracle, tens of thousands of people who thought she was telling them how to lose weight crashed her servers trying to download coupons for free food from Kentucky Fried Chicken. But wait, things get weirder.
Armed with these coupons, Oprah's acolytes rush into KFC stores all over the United States and wipe them out of grilled chicken. Store managers had to turn people away. Now many are upset because they could not get their coupons or free chicken so they can lose weight like Oprah.
It's all so confusing. This might clear things up.