Sunday, August 31, 2008

Having a Bad Day in the Kitchen? Make a Talisman

Posted by Picasa

Anyone who has ever burnt a roast or broken mayonnaise without knowing why they screwed eventually realizes that the cause of their problem does not lie with them, but instead is due to external factors that are beyond the understanding of rational minds. The truth is the atmosphere of the earth is inhabited by clusters of intelligent, and occasionally malicious, energy that has the ability to interfere with the way we cook. During those times when you find that this energy is giving you a hard time, it's not a bad idea to build a talisman to remind it to behave and leave you the hell alone.

Here is a simple talisman that I made from a rib of celery and a couple of cloves. The cloves give the celery a determined gaze while it raises its arms to "shoo" the bad energy away. I did not give my talisman (whom I named Pardus in honor of my sojourner colleague) a mouth in order to signal to the bad energy that if it does not leave me alone it will not get anything to eat.


Tags said...

I just thought I'd warn you that malicious sports energy could be attracted to Pardus as he looks like he's signaling a touchdown.

And no self-respecting mass of malicious intelligent energy would be deterred by such an obvious sign of surrender.

I'm just sayin'. At least you can sell him on eBay.

Mike Pardus said...

Looks very "french"...if you get my drift....

But invoking my name has been known to keep bad energy (lazy, ill prepared cooks) out of, it may work.

And the nitrates bound up in the celery should keep botulism at bay.

I like it, at least he didn't name a volley ball after me....

Thanks Bob.

Kevin said...

I like a stalk of celery with a take-no-prisoners attitude.