Fatuous Food Writing Award Entry : Pizza with Caviar
I suppose that there is no way to write about a pizza topped with lobster and caviar other than to drizzle the page with sex and snobbish hyperbole. But after reading this I'll bet that you'll be tempted to wonder if the dish on the plate was as frightening as the prose that was summoned from its wormhole to described it.
"Sparks flew as soon as the super-snack arrived at our table but that could have been the firework fizzing on top of the delicious-looking dish.
Fellow diners looked on in awe and snapped a picture of our dinner with their mobile phones as it was brought out of the kitchen.
Soon the pizza wasn't the only thing getting saucy as Dave spooned caviar on to a slice for me.
Scoffing such a luxury food - which sells for up to £2,500 a kilo - on top of a pizza slice seemed a bit naughty.
But the salty fish eggs went perfectly with the cheese and tomato topping."