Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Unsavory practice

I think that this letter by a reader of the Orlando Sentinel complaining about a restaurant critics' praise of a dish of foie gras, stopped a bit short of expressing the ethical problems associated with this dish. So I thought we could do a little writing today and fix it up a bit. I'll fix the first two lines and you cover the rest by selecting a line of text, pasting it into a comment box and inserting your improving text into the sentence. Please use all-caps for your insertion.

I am deeply disturbed AND SUFFERING THE FIRES OF HELL by the recommendation of foie gras in the recent review of K's restaurant by Sentinel restaurant critic Scott Joseph.

Foie gras, considered by some to be a delicacy, is REALLY BAD TASTING POISON produced by forcing a SIXTY-FOUR-FOOT long metal pipe down the PAPER THIN throats of FATALLY CUTE ducks and geese and force-feeding them massive amounts of TONS OF grain, resulting in their livers swelling to up to 10 TIMES ONE HUNDRED AND SEVENTY TWO times their normal ITTY-BITTY BABY size.

The vast amounts of feed pumped down the ducks' throats cause enormous internal pressure. The pipe sometimes punctures the esophagus, causing many to die from choking on the blood that fills their lungs. Some birds literally burst, choke to death on their own vomit, or become so weak that they are unable to fend off rats that will eat them alive. Other ducks die a slow, painful and premature death from suffocation by inhaling regurgitated feed.

The birds' livers become so enlarged that, according to documentation by veterinarians, the animals experience unspeakable pain and suffering, eventually being sent to a violent death by slaughter.

All this for an overpriced, unhealthy appetizer that we all can do without. It is outrageous that anyone would promote foie gras and, by extension, the unspeakable torture that produces it.

Unsavory practice -- OrlandoSentinel.com

9 comments:

Don Luis said...

The vast amounts of feed, SOMETIMES SEVERAL HUNDERD POUNDS, pumped down the ducks' throats cause enormous internal pressure. The pipe sometimes punctures the esophagus TAKING DOZENS OF INTERNAL ORGANS WITH IT, causing many to die from choking on the blood AND GOD KNOWS WHAT ELSE that fills their lungs. Some birds literally burst (iF THEY FIGURATIVELY BURST, I WOULDN'T HAVE MUCH OF A CASE), choke to death on their own vomit, or become so weak that they are unable to fend off rats that will eat them alive, OFTEN UNTIL THE RATS THEMSELVES EXPLODE, LEAVING TINY BITS OF DUCK AND RAT EVERYWHERE. Other ducks die a slow, painful and premature death from suffocation AND HUMILIATION by inhaling regurgitated feed.

Bob del Grosso said...

Brilliant Don Luis!
I'm going to EXPLODE from laughing.
Phi Zappa Krappa!

Robert said...

The birds' livers become so INSANELY enlarged that, according to documentation AND AND OTHER MADE UP REPORTS by NASA veterinarians, the animals experience unspeakable pain, LOSS OF INCOME, MENTAL ANGUISH, LAWERYS FEE'S and suffering, eventually being sent to a WHOLESOME YET violent death by SGT slaughter.

Jennie/Tikka said...

I am deeply disturbed AND OFF MY MEDICATION by the recommendation of foie gras in the recent review of K's restaurant by Sentinel restaurant critic Scott Joseph.

Foie gras, considered by some to be a delicacy, is REALLY AN EVANGELICAL RIGHT-WING CONSERVATIVE GOVERNMENT CONSPIRACY TO TURN US ALL INTO HEARTLESS ANIMAL ASSASSINS - AND REPUBLICANS, produced by forcing a SIXTY-FOUR-FOOT (WITH SPIKES AND RASORBLADES ON IT, EMBEDDED WITH CONSERVATIVE DOGMA) long metal pipe down the MORE SENSITIVE THAN ANY OTHER ANIMAL'S IN THE KNOWN UNIVERSE throats of CENTRIST AND LEFT WING ducks and geese and force-feeding them massive amounts of REPBULICAN grain, resulting in their livers swelling to up to SOMETHING CLOSE TO THE SIZE OF MY VEGAN LIVER, MAKING IT EASIER FOR ME TO PROJECT MY OWN PAIN ONTO THEM INSTEAD OF GETTING SOME THERAPY FOR MY ISSUES times their normal VEGAN BEFORE I MET HER size.

Tags said...

I can't believe she left out the exacerbation of GLOBAL WARMING that the friction caused by the PAINFUL APPLICATION OF PRESSURE OF EPIC PROPORTIONS on distended sensitive gullets would cause.

CarolinaGirl said...

I quit when the writer used the word "cute" It shatters credibility, and reminds me of middle school.Siily goose, keep your opinion off my plate!

Anonymous said...

The vast amounts of feed pumped down the ducks throats cause enormous internal pressure SUPPORTING SCIENTIFIC AND AL GORES FINDINGS, AS THE SOURCE OF GLOBAL WARMING.

Jennie/Tikka said...

Oh my god - I think you've stumbled onto it, Anonymous. None-other than AL GORE is behind the ANTI-FOIE movement!!!

It all makes sense now!

Republicans can afford to eat foie. It was a Republican who stole the White House from him in 2000. By removing foie products from the market he's seriously bumming out Republicans everywhere and secretly achieving his goal of turning us all into bleeding-heart liberals, without our even realizing what's happening. Deviousnusnus is afoot, I tell you. Deviousnusnus.

We need a new strategery if we're going to deal with this serious internal threat.

tyronebcookin said...

I'm sorry, but after reading all this it makes me wonder what the similarities would be between ducks liver, and a sumo wrestlers liver...

Don't know why, it just popped into my head...but of course the Sumo's feed theirselves.