This morning whilst making the coffee we discovered that our beloved instant read thermometer had committed suicide in the garbage disposal. Let the horror of this event serve as a warning to all cooks to never leave our tools to play in the sink when they are depressed or have neglected to take their medication. Moreover, we should never forget that no matter how tired, drunken or frightened of the Insinkerator's cruel maw we may be, to always put a hand in before we turn it on. Goodbye dear IRT, you served us well these fifteen years. Our sorrow of your demise is made much the worse by the knowledge that we will not live to see you marry and give us grandchildren.